Wednesday 21 September 2011

Telling People


I’m a writer.

What was that?

I’m a writer.

Sorry, you’ll have to speak up. I can’t hear you.

I’M A–

Okay, okay. You get the idea.

For a long time, only a handful of people – hubby, other family members, a few friends – knew I wanted to be a writer (note wanted to be, not was). Others knew I was interested in writing – it’s pretty hard to hide it when you’re first in line to volunteer for writing-related events at work, and then you end up running your library’s writing group. But I never told them how serious I was about it. I didn’t ask them to read my work, or turn to them with a wild look in my eye to wail about my slowly-growing collection of rejection slips. I didn’t start blogging about my writing process or tweeting about how hard I found it to bash out those tricky first drafts.

I was too scared to.

Because what if I was kidding myself? What if I couldn’t really write? Better to keep it a secret; then, if I failed, I could give it up quietly, and hardly anyone would know I’d wasted years trying to do something I had no ability for.

Yet something kept me plugging away at it. When I didn’t write, the world had no colour; without my characters whispering in my ear, telling me their stories, I felt as if I was living half a life. I was bored. And, despite my doubts, I wanted to get better at it, even if I wasn’t at-all sure that I could.

The only way to do that was to keep going.

In 2007, I had a breakthrough: I got an agent, the wonderful Carolyn Whitaker at London Independent Books, and my first YA novel went out on submission. I told a few more people about my ambitions at that point – but only a few. And when the book didn’t sell, I was relieved I hadn’t broadcast it. Instead, I got on with finishing my next novel, ACID, and while that went out on submission, started another (mainly as a distraction).

And then, in July this year, ACID was bought by Random House Children’s books.

Finally being able to tell people I’m a writer – and that I’ve got a book coming out – has been like opening a window in a room that’s been sealed up for years, and letting in a blast of fresh air. I no longer have to hide something that’s such a huge part of who I am, or pretend I spend my evenings and days off watching TV, when really, I’m surgically attached to my laptop. I’ve joined Twitter, where I’ve met loads of lovely fellow writers, and now I’m writing this blog. It’s wonderful.

But if I could go back, would I do things any differently?

No.

I’m not for one single moment trying to say that telling people about your writing from the beginning is wrong; in fact, I admire – and envy – the confidence of people who can be so open about their ambitions from such an early stage. However, it would most certainly have been the wrong thing for me. I’ve had so many setbacks and stumbles with my writing, so many nearly-but-not-quite moments, that feeling as if everyone was watching me screw up would have stopped me doing it altogether. I needed to discover myself as a writer in private, and in doing so, find the courage to carry on.

But now? You might just have trouble shutting me up!

26 comments:

  1. Congratulations. I am really pleased for you. I understand your need to keep it quiet for a while, but you can tell the world now. I hope to be in your position one day in the future.

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  2. Well done on finally coming out of the closet and well done for the book deal. It's great to be able to tell people you're a writer and not get the 'yeah, right,' look from them. Can't wait for the book to come out - do you have a date yet?

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  3. WOW - understand where you are coming from completely. Am so glad you are finally able to tell the World you are a writer! Great intro post by the way and I too hope to be in your shoes one day...well similar to your shoes, but really in mine :-). I want to, and actually have started to write, funnily enough also YA and it's one direction I never thought I would go, but am too "scared" to even mention it to anyone so only my husband, son and sister have read what I have written so far! Hah! Oh well - somewhere over the rainbow - wishes and all that! Might not even happen but that's okay, I communicate too much verbally as is or so I am told! Best of luck with ACID and may your future as a writer be full of wonderful stories to share!

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  4. Congratulations! And I love the blog, adding it to my RSS feed now!

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  5. Hi Emma - I love the blog look and great first post. I think it is always hard to tell people you write and put your work out there. For me, I've used it as a means of pushing myself to avoid hiding under the rock for fear I might never come out. We are all different, but most are apprehensive - it is really tough to reveal such a part of oneself, especially in the early stages, when belief by self is often challenged. I did a post a while back about the A-K of being a novelist which you might enjoy - here is the link -http://120socks.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-does-being-novelist-mean-k-guide.html

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  6. Hi Emma. Congrats on your fab site! I love this post - and I'm in awe both of your determination and your ability to keep a secret... I would have flopped about the place having a crisis, while you just got on with the next book. And how it paid off! I can't wait to read ACID. Roll on publication day!

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  7. Huge congratulations Emma. I admire your courage; that must have been a very lonely journey at times. But now comes the rewards. Keep them coming now, enjoy your success and stay 'out here' keeping us all company. We (well I anyway) need some of your skills to rub off on us (me). All best wishes
    Sue xx

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  8. I recognise lots of my own historical feelings about writing in this post - that sense of not wanting to tempt fate by telling others about the latest book I was writing as if their reaction might break the spell. Finding an agent and then a publisher transformed the way I felt too, finally allowing me to wear my writer's hat (a fez set at a jaunty angle!) in public without fear of ridicule. Anyway, many congratulations Emma - looking forward to reading ACID!

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  9. I also recognise many of the feelings in your excellent and entertaining first post, Emma. I think you were wise to delay "outing" yourself as a writer until you felt confident and successful(words that have many meanings, of course). Good luck with the blog, the publication of ACID and all things writing. Jane

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  10. Congratulations on the book! It's such a long and difficult journey, but worth it when you hold your baby - er, sorry, BOOK, in your hands - well done! I've published non-fiction books and short stories in magazines, but have yet to hold my novel in my hand. I look forward to reading your blog posts in future (I'm also a new blogger - just writing my third post!)

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  11. Congratulations! How exciting!

    Can totally understand your wanting to not call yourself a writer until you had a deal. However, I like the sound of saying 'I'm a writer' too much not to say it, and besides, I write a lot so... :D

    I'm not confident that I'll ever be published, though - I will persevere for ever to do so, but does one need to be published to be a writer...?

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  12. Can't wait to read your posts! Congrats on getting the blog set up. Blue is my fav colour so it is a good choice...lol.

    Happy writing!

    Sarah

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  13. Weheeee! You're very own blog. It's fab, lovely design, including snapshot of The Hound, and lovely first blog too. I can totally relate to your experiences. It wasn't until the third book that I found I could actually tell people I was a writer. I'd written in secret for so many years, that the thought of telling people brought me out in a cold sweat! I think we writers are all a bit like that aren't we? Such a great outcome now though, and it just shows that all that hard work and determination has paid off big time. So HAPPY for you.

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  14. Fantastic, Emma, you did it. You're a writer, a twitterer and now a blogger.

    It's all good.

    Martin

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  15. Enjoy every minute of your success - you've earned it.

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  16. Congratulations! I've never been quiet about being a writer, even as a kid. But it's a little harder now, having claimed the profession and not having anything other than a few freelance articles published. I feel judged more intensely than before.

    It's cliche but never be afraid to proclaim who you are. :)

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  17. Hi Emma, I just came out of the writing closet recently too so your post made perfect sense... I've been furtively writing for years and what a relief it is to just do it and not worry about other people's reactions. Congratulations on Acid!
    Cat

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  18. Wow, I can't believe how many people have stopped by here today to comment - thank you SO much. I really appreciate it, and all the lovely comments I've had on Twitter, too.

    And I'm glad that you all enjoyed the post and that it seemed to resonate with so many of you. I'd better think of something to follow it up with now – eek!

    Thanks again. You're all awesome! :)

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  19. Applauds you and pops cork for celebratory drink. Congratulations on speaking loud and clear, and on ACID!

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  20. Welcome to the blogging world! Wishing you continuing success x

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  21. Congratulations from a fellow soon-to-be RHCB writer! I waited till someone 'important' told me I wasn't rubbish to tell people I was writing, too - you're not alone!

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  22. Can safely say I don't think we WANT you to shut up! What a great beginning to your blogging career, Emma. Have tweeted the link, so hope you get more visitors.

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  23. The new blog looks great! I can relate so much to the way you felt as an aspiring writer. Congratulations on your success!

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  24. Oh my goodness, even more comments! Thanks so much everyone. :D

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